Living

I can get distracted. And by that, I mean I am very very easily distracted. I literally have the attention span of a squirrel. The dog from Up, Dug, was probably based on me. That's how easily distracted I am. This is especially true in my spiritual life. I go to a conference, I read a verse, I hear a song, something impacts me and inspires me. I start promising myself and God that I will do better, I will work harder, I will be a Child of God who spreads His name to every part of the world. I am determined and I cannot be deterred from my mission. I'm excited; my life is revolutionized! I'm going to make a difference. And then, the real world blindsides me. I have school, boys, friends, drama, demands, responsibilities. They all drown out God's voice and I turn my attention elsewhere. Months go by without a quiet time, weeks go by without opening my Bible. My passion is forgotten and my promises are broken. I wander down my own path and forget the fire I had in that moment, in that one moment so many months ago. Then I happen upon that verse, book, picture and it reminds me of all the promises I made to God. Reality has again pulled me off the right path and I have let myself become distracted by things which seem so incredibly important but they have no eternal purpose or goal. Despite what I may think, my social life does not determine the fate of the world.

Then, I remember. I remember everything God has done for me. I remember every promise, every blessing, every answered prayer. I am completely humbled by the might of our God and yet he cares about ME. Stupid, annoying, selfish, lazy, incapable and wholly unworthy me. He cares and loves about me and I did NOTHING to deserve. Absolutely completely nothing. I spit in God's face, I nailed His son to the cross and yet He still loves me. STILL. I can't even imagine or fathom that kind of grace and mercy and love. And I have the gall to break my measly promises to be a better disciple. Who do I think I am and what is this sense of importance that I have given myself? I don't deserve God's blessing. I don't even deserve His attention! How dare I even pretend that I am important? What I should do, instead of demanding God do things my way, is fall to my face in awe and wonder of all that He has done. But I don't.

How do I not get distracted every time something shiny comes along? How can I keep myself focused on the prize that is actually WORTH something and not just the trivial aspects of a teenager in college's life? How can I keep myself from wandering away from that which I know is so important? Why is this so hard for me? I want God to be the center of my life and yet, I have such a difficult time focusing myself on His plan for my life. I can never truly live until I learn how to steady myself on the path He has laid out in front of me. Then the question remains: When will I learn to truly live?

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." ~ James 1:12